The Bear 100: Come hell and high water

Data:
My 5th ultramarathon, 1st 100 mile race
31:17:24, 93rd place overall, 19th female
279 Starters, 167 finishers, 55% men finished, 77% women finished
http://www.strava.com/activities/200588428

The Taper:
Seven days before the Bear, as I was flossing my teeth, I bent toward the mirror in the bathroom and BAM!!. My lower back went out and was shooting pain all through my pelvis and I was frozen. This was not good. I woke up Friday morning in worse shape because all surrounding muscles were compensating and protecting. I called my chiropractor and she could see me in 3 hours. Ugh. I could hardly focus on my work just watching the clock waiting for some relief. I couldn't lift my legs, couldn't sit straight, couldn't put on shoes. But for some reason was not worried about this race. I knew this would resolve itself.

Saturday I hiked and did a little too much activity and then on Sunday, could barely walk again. Chiro, massage, chiro...waiting and waiting. Then I tried running when I got to Salt Lake on Wednesday. It didn't feel great, but I knew that I'd have kinks to work out from not running for a week and having an altered gait. A good friend heard of my injury and questioned me about my mental Plan B for when this perfect excuse to quit enters my thoughts - what would I do?

Fast forward to 6am Friday at the start line in Logan, UT and my back felt completely normal. As I lined up with the field of nearly 300 runners we knew the day would be hot and there is a 100% chance of storms with a cold front that was blowing in.

The Bear:
This is it - the big one - my longest race by 38 miles. The 3rd anniversary of starting running. My first time training with a running coach, Ryan. I had to put so much trust in the training that I've accumulated this year - 1400 miles this year and tons of climbing since moving to Colorado 3 months ago. The Bear and I would have a different battle than I had imagined due to my now conservative approach to the day and keeping my back operational.

I was trying to smile

 Loved having the Elevation Tat

The Bear was no longer my enemy to conquer, she was my ally in this journey and I had to be open to everything that would be thrown at me. The song "Shut up and Dance" by Walk the Moon was in my head for the whole race and it seemed to match the conversation that I would have with the Bear at many points throughout:

Oh don't you dare look back
Just keep your eyes on me.
I said you're holding back,
She said shut up and dance with me!
 

The Hot Friday:

The plan was to take the first 3500' climb easy, don't redline, and start fueling early. I was not hungry, but tried to force it before I got too warm.

Near the Top of the First Climb

10mile AS I didn't grab much more than grapes. I heard Coleen behind me and we chatted for a while. Her downhills were leaving me in the dust, so we yo-yo'd a bit. Once we dropped into an awesome singletrack descent I met Dale from Texas who I would see MANY more times throughout the day and evening.

A Trail

Met my crew at the 20mile AS and was ahead of my goal pace by 30 minutes. I think I mentioned a "hot spot" on my right pinky toe that I was debating weather I take my shoe off to address. I didn't touch it. I threw ice in my hat and tried to find something that I could eat. I grabbed 2 more liters of water and left. There was a 3-mile uphill dirt road to the next aid station. The heat started to get me worried about the quantity of calories that I was getting in. I drank what calories I could with UCAN and ate fruit and choked dry food down with tons of water and S-Caps. The handful of Pringles took all of my energy to eat as I hiked most of this section.

 She took my arm,
I don't know how it happened.
We took the floor and she said

Oh don't you dare look back
Just keep your eyes on me.
I said you're holding back,
She said shut up and dance with me!
This woman is my destiny
She said oh oh oh
Shut up and dance with me

Heading out of 22.5mile AS, with homemade banana bread in hand (I was WAY too excited about this - this is my favorite food!!!), more ice in my hat, I finally grabbed my trekking poles out of my pack for the next climb. Before I was done climbing, my ice melted and it got very warm. I was loving the rhythm that the poles gave me and I was passing many people on the climbs. Some would pass me back on the downhill because I was cautiously descending to protect my back.

So Warm

30mile AS - don't remember any of it. Slammed some applesauce and sweet tea. I was 10 minutes ahead of my goal pace. Grabbed PB&J to suffer through and 2 more liters. I got my special cooling bandana (thanks Erin!) soaked in ice water. I met up with Hillary Johnson, a friend of Coleen's, and we talked for quite a while along with this weird dude. It really made the time pass in this hot, exposed valley. There were cows sitting 15' from the trail telling us to moove it. I left them on the next climb and was a new person - in a great mood and moving well.

37mile AS I was apparently a hot mess - my conversations with my crew were less than intelligible. Slammed more applesauce and sweet tea. Re-soaked the bandana, more fruit, 2 more liters, S-Caps and fresh UCAN. Matt was a little worried about my lack of complete thoughts so we decided that maybe Bryan be ready to jump in to start pacing at mile 45 instead of 51. I met Tandi from AZ during this stretch and we talked and also enjoyed each other's silent company as the clouds rolled in and cooled things down.

The Clouds are Coming

45mile AS I was in much better shape. I was getting more food in me since it was cooler. I picked up Bryan and new food and water. Bryan and I chatted on this long climb and passed Dale in his usual form - cursing the uphills. We finished the climb with Tandi and heard a hoot and holler from Dale as he reached the false summit. And then we heard him cursing the damn false summit. We kept our headlamps off as long as possible because it was going to be a long, dark night with no moon.

The Stormy night:

 We were victims of the night,
The chemical, physical, kryptonite
Helpless to the bass and faded light
Oh we were born to get together,
Born to get together.

She took my arm,
I don't know how it happened.
We took the floor and she said

Oh don't you dare look back
Just keep your eyes on me.
I said you're holding back,
She said shut up and dance with me!
This woman is my destiny
She said oh oh oh
Shut up and dance with me

51mile AS Matt informed us that the rain was forecasted to start between 1 and 3am. Bryan and I both grabbed our ponchos just in case because we wouldn't see Matt again for 10 miles. In that last second decision, somehow I missed grabbing my PB&J refill. This made sad and I tried to fill the void with other food. Cows mooed near the trail in the dark and the evening light show lit up the mountains around us. 

62mile AS I didn't forget my PB&J this time! I sang the peanut butter jelly time song to the runners that passed us while I ate. On the descent down to the next AS, it started sprinkling a little heavier. Was it worth poncho-ing up? Before we could answer, the skies opened up for the first downpour of the race around 1am. The road down into the next un-crewed aid station took forever and ever and ever as we got more and more wet.

68.8mile AS Logan Creek was full of zombies around a fire pit. Probably 20 runners that weren't prepared for the start of the rain. So many people dropped here. Bryan was grabbing me soups and coffee while I was putting on layers and grabbing the hand warmers from my drop bag. But wait - there was no coffee. Just Coke, so I had no caffeine (this is the start of a theme for the night). I felt so bad because Bryan was shaking cold. I put on the longsleeve Breath Thermo shirt that I had around my waist and some arm warmers. My arms would end up soaked from sticking out of the poncho, but I thought clothing would be better than exposed skin. I opened the pack of handwarmers that I had in the drop bag and put them in my pocket with my warm grilled cheese sandwiches. 

This next segment of trail took FOREVER, but Sophia had warned me of that ahead of time. The last hour or so of this segment, I was feeling bad because I needed to go to the bathroom and I stopped eating on my normal schedule. I got a tad bit hangry (sorry Bryan!). Matt must have warned him about this tendency of mine because he quickly asked if I had eaten recently. I snapped back "NO" and then ate my stinkin sandwich. 

We were running through an area that was muddy where the trail was exposed and then dry under the trees. I fell flat on my side after tripping over a root on a dusty part of the trail. No damage, just filthy.

76mile AS I HAD to go to the bathroom. This aid station is a little Ski lodge with running water and 1 bathroom. The line for the bathroom had 4 people - some of which were not even runners (this was BS) and this building was so warm that I was feeling strange. I was told to avoid being in this building because it lures DNF's in with its warmth. There were dead people sprawled out on stretchers and cots and chairs. 

Dead People in the Lodge

I check in and out in one breath and got a cup a coffee (finally!!) and went to the crew car. I pooped in the wooded island next to the parking lot. If any one of the 7 cars facing me had turned on its headlights...well it would have been a full moon.

It was 4:30am and I picked up Matt. This was 1 Aid Station earlier than planned since I picked up Bryan earlier in the day. The 5 miles to the next AS was all uphill on an ATV road. Then it started raining more - back to ponchos. The more we climbed in the rain, the more the trail became a river. I stopped dead in my tracks because there was a large cow just sitting on the road. No, wait, it was a camel. Yep definitely a camel. Or a puddle that looked like a camel. Matt agreed that the puddle at our perspective was perfectly camel-like.

81mile AS was in a flat meadow on top of this mountain. This was a sad and lonely place. No crew, no drop bags, just puddles, mud, pouring rain, wind, 40 degrees or less in an exposed meadow. The aid station workers were trying to keep their food and supplies dry, but there wasn't any hope. To get to the tent for rain protection you walk through a foot-deep puddle lake. We were entertained by the communications volunteer stepping behind his check-in tent to puke(?) dry-heave(?) something. WTF so weird. Their broth tasted like rain, I ate black bean soup, no coffee of course, and we got out of there in record time. Leaving this AS we had a mile of running on mud road in the wind before ducking into the trees. This was the first time I'd been cold all night. Just as the sun came up and we're moving fast out of necessity to not freeze to death, Matt tells me, "there is no one else in the world that I would be willing to do this for." This was the most ridiculous point of the day. All we could do is laugh at the adversity.

Chocolate Milk Anyone?

85.2mile AS - We see Bryan and tell him of our adventures running up the river. I finally go GoreTex with a layer of dry icebreaker underneath. Soup, no coffee, and more PB&J. We debate keeping the poncho's with us in case the rain really picks up again. A great decision we'd soon find out.

Coordinated Ponchos

92mile AS Ranger Dip. One word - breakfast burritos. Amazing. And zucchini bread. I knew I'd need the energy for the steepest climb and descent of the entire race - all covered in 6" of mud.

The trekking poles provided so much on this climb. About a dozen or so steps were made useless by the mud where my foot slid down more than I had gone up. How did people get up this without poles?!?

This was the mud captured by some guy on the course (turn up the volume for the whole shoe-sucking effect) https://www.facebook.com/video.php?v=10204869289072406&set=o.579692058753592&type=2&theater

The final section Gates of Paradise:

Deep in her eyes,
I think I see the future.
I realize this is my last chance.

She took my arm,
I don't know how it happened.
We took the floor and she said

Oh don't you dare look back
Just keep your eyes on me.
I said you're holding back,
She said shut up and dance with me!
This woman is my destiny
She said oh oh oh
Shut up and dance!

We reach the top of this demoralizing climb where normally you'd have a breathtaking view of the bright blue Bear Lake to validate the hard work. I'd envisioned this peak dozens of times all day - how it would look, how great it would feel, how overwhelming it would be. This was the end, the last monumental climb, the homestretch. We were in a cloud and couldn't even see the valley below. It didn't matter at all. I stopped and held Matt tight and cried. I couldn't contain all of the emotion of getting to this point and how perfect it was even without a view.

Enough of that mushy stuff, it was time to dance. 2 miles of moderate descent, 2 miles of steeper descent, and then 2 miles of gravel road to the finish. Oh, but the trail is a river...

I let go of my body and let it run and ski down this mountain. I was outside, just watching and trashing my legs on a downhill for a first time all day. I kept asking Matt what the time of day was, what was my pace, how many miles left. I knew I'd finish in under 32 hours, but I wanted to see how close to 31 I could get. A friend's advice to me was to run like hell for the last 5 miles and I repeated that to myself over and over. 

I'd leap from one river bank to the over to get the best footing, but sometime just right down the middle of the river was the best. I fell on to my shin and knee a couple of times when my foot slipped out from under me. 16 min/mi, 15, 14, 13 I kept pushing. I passed a dozen people on that descent that were gingerly tip-toeing down the slip-n-slide or bushwacking in waist-high brush next to the trail. Suckers. My adrenaline was pumping because this was so sketchy but so fun.

Finally reached the gravel road and then then the pavement and then the finish. I was glad to be there, but there were no emotions. Every emotion was on the trail where it was supposed to be and all there was left to do was smile.

My Amazing Team

Remember that "hot spot" on my pinky toe at mile 20?? Well I scalped my toe...

You're welcome

Cankles are Hot

Bandera: 1st 100K & 1st Race Report

11 Jan 2014

Bandera was chosen as my first 100K because the race description is "A trail of rugged and brutal beauty where everything cuts, stings, or bites." That sounded perfect to me. It is in Texas Hill Country about an hour northwest of San Antonio. I had DNF'd my last Ultra in September, the 50M at Hawk, and I just needed to FINISH this one.

Bandera Babes at the Start

Erin, Erica, and Sophia had run it the year before and would be doing the 100K again, Todd from Alaska who had met the Babes in Utah was also doing the 100K, and Terri and Janee' were talked into doing the 25K.

Start (0) to Nachos (5.6)
- Didn’t eat for the first hour

The brisk breeze at the start of the race was refreshing once the sun was up above the hills. It was going to be a beautiful day with friends and trails. I stayed with Erin, Sophia, and Todd through the first hills and kept telling myself to hold back and stay conservative. “Stay with these people, they know what they’re doing.”

There were many people that came through our group, much small talk, and quiet hikes up the hills. The distant hills were hazy and the views spectacular.

My phone received signal for the first time that day while I was on top of a hill. It buzzed about 20 times, but I ignored it. I would save those messages for later. I might need them later.

Nachos (5.6) to Chapas (11)

- PB&J, orange slices, water

- Started taking 1 S-Cap every 30 minutes

I slowly pulled away from Erin, Sophia, and Todd and focused on staying relaxed. The conversations around me didn't draw me in like they sometimes do. It felt like an introverted day.

Chapas (11) to Xroads-in (17)

- Got rid of the layers
- PB&J, orange slices, Pringles, water

I caught up to Mark and was immediately scolded for doing so. Mark was helping me run a smart race and take it easy at the start. “I know Sophia wants me to tell you that you shouldn’t be passing me this early.” I agreed and sat in to his pace and got to know him a little better.

On the airplane on Thursday, I realized that I had left the bladder for my hydration pack at home. Instead of buying another one in San Antonio, Erin asked her friend, Mark, if he could bring one for me to borrow since he was driving to the race on Friday. So my new friend, Mark, played many roles in this race for me. He let me borrow his bladder, kept me accountable for my pace early in the race, and he was a motivator at the end of the race (I’ll get to that later).

Xroads-in (17) to Xroads-out (21)

- PB&J, orange slices, Pringles, water

I didn’t notice that I passed Mark while at this aid station. I didn’t spend much time there and left him behind me. His lesson was already in my brain, and I knew not to push it in the hot part of the day. I focused on how warm I was and slowed down if I felt hot.

Mark caught up to me again and I assured him that I really wasn't trying to pass him.

Xroads-out (21) to Last Chance (26)

- Lubed up all of my blisters and put on new socks

- Quesadilla, orange slices, water

Mark was fast through this aid station so he went on without me I sat down to do a sock change and lube my blisters and hotspots; they looked worse than they felt but this was the only time that I payed them any attention. Erin caught up to me a left the aid station ahead of me.

It took a lot of restraint to not speed up to catch up to her. It was definitely too warm to be forcing my pace. I had to be comfortable knowing that I would eventually catch up to her.

When I did catch Erin, we ran a few miles together. I was happy to take hike breaks on the hills in the sun because she needed to be nice to her previously injured calf. We came into Last Chance and saw a familiar face - Olga - 1st place female at FreeState 100K last year.  We collected high-fives and left.

 The photographer refused to take a picture of us running together - so use your imagination.

Last Chance (26) to Lodge (31)

- Ice in my pack, hat, and bra
- PB&J, orange slices, water, Kind bar

There are two notable climbs in the last 5 miles of the loop. First there’s Cairns Climb and the Boyle’s Bump. There is a runnable plateau at the top of each of them, but the downhills are loose rock and steep. I left Erin at some point and pushed to the Lodge.

For the first time in the race I let my tank get too empty. I was hungry. Too hungry. And hot. I ate some food I had with me and I was really wanting the Lodge to get there, and fast. My legs were feeling heavy when I got hungry. I had to keep that at bay.

I tried to text Matt an update on my progress when I had signal at the top of a hill. I read a few messages and got choked up by the overwhelming support that has given me. My legs felt like brand new again. This would be the first time out of many that I used an emotional trigger to silence the feelings in my legs.

Lodge (31) to Nachos (36.6)

- Ice in my hat and bra
- PB&J, orange slices, water, ice

It was a relief to make it to the Lodge and the halfway point. There was a middle school aged girl cutting up the PB&J. I gave her a sticky high-five.

Terri and Janee’ were there as well as Mark’s wife Bea. She put a towel soaked in ice water around my neck as I ate and filled up water. I rifled through my dropbag and failed to grab a headlamp. Oh well.

I left the aid station at exactly 2:30pm. 7 hours for the first 50K. This was the first time I started thinking about pace and finish time and my anal-retentive spreadsheet of projected splits that was in my right pocket. If I ran the next loop in 8 hours, that would be right on my goal time. I cleared my head because I knew my body would finish whether I over-thought splits or not.

I was alone and that’s where I wanted to be. The first loop went by quickly because of the back-and-forth I played with my friends, but now I was approaching the cooler part of the day and I needed mental clarity.

This was my pre-race checklist that I shared with my friends at dinner the night before the race:

• Take it easy
• Give all the volunteers high-fives
• Dance party
• Sing at the top of my lungs
• It’s a wonderful day to be alive
• Don’t take myself seriously
• Just 12 legs in the race. Take them one at a time.
• No one can take me out of this race.
• The physical path of my journey is defined for me. The emotional and mental journey is why I’m here; this is where I learn about who I really am.

It was saved on my phone and I had been looking at it and adding to it all week. The second lap is where I might need the reminder of what my priorities are.

Nachos (36.6) to Chapas (42) 
- PB&J, orange slices, water

My Garmin died, but I didn’t care. I was only watching my heart rate in the heat to help judge my exertion level. I switched to my Timex that I’d had with me for my 30-minute S-Cap alarm (picked that up from pacing Danny at OT100).

I was alone and at peace. The cooler temperatures were much nicer and I stopped and took a picture of the sunset. This is the only picture that I took during the race. I somewhat regret not documenting the experience a little more, but the emotional state I was in was much stronger than a picture could record. It was a wonderful day to be alive.

Chapas (42) to Xroads-in (48)
- Dropped off Garmin and heart rate monitor

- Ramen, orange slices, water

I ditched my Garmin and heart rate monitor in my drop bag and picked a small flashlight in case the sun set before I got to my headlamp at Crossroads.

An aid station volunteer said to me and another runner that we're 2/3 of the way finished; only 20 miles to go. To that I exclaimed that this is now my longest run EVER. I think every volunteer and crew member within earshot gave me a great round of applause. I left that aid station feeling a little choked up about running into the unknown of 40+ miles. My tears of joy/elation/accomplishment propelled me forward and I picked up speed. I felt invincible; the happier I felt, they fresher my legs were.

I passed a guy on the dirt road that we take around a field as we come into Crossroads.  My speed of running made his running seem stationary. As I approach, I say “Good evening.” He says, “Wow, you’re hauling. I’m so jealous.” I smile to myself and respond with “It’s a wonderful day to be alive.” He hesitated, it sunk in, he responded, “Yes, it IS a wonderful day to be alive!” That gave me chills.

Xroads-in (48) to Xroads-out (53) Duration 1:11

- Picked up a headlamp & spare batteries
- Ramen, mashed potatoes, water, PB&J to-go

Terri & Janee had Erica with them...I wasn't happy to see that Erica didn't finish the race. They helped me grab my dropbag, collect refills, and I threw a long sleeve around my waist for later. I left Terri with a checklist of warm things to grab out of my dropbag for my return to Crossroads in 5 miles.

At this point, I was completely satisfied with how the race was going. I wanted nothing more than to finish, and at this point I knew I would. Even if I hiked the last 15 miles, I would still be happy with my time and performance. I even said to Mark before leaving Crossroads, “It's just a 15 mile hike and we’re finished!” My mind was content and I didn’t know if I could run more or if I even wanted to.

I had a small twinge in my left calf that pushed me to take 1 Advil. I wanted to be able to ignore the spot, but still know that it was there. In the back of my mind, I was "saving" something for the last 5 miles where there were 2 notable hills.

I got to a flat area and started running before I even thought about it. A few minutes passed before I realized i was running. It was comfortable and right. I did a double-take because I could have sworn I was walking. This was my first out-of-body experience. I was outside of my body, looking down at my body running along; alone and in the dark. More tears of joy, more energy to run.

Xroads-out (53) to Last Chance (57) Duration 1:00

- Ramen (burned my tongue), mashed potatoes, 1 Advil, water, PB&J to-go

I didn't need those warm clothes that I had Terri grab. Stuffed the gloves in my waistband anyway because you never know. I told Terri that I was running ahead of schedule and that they should expect me at the finish between 10 and 10:30pm. But probably closer to 10.

I caught up to Mark and then finally changed into the warm BreathThermo long sleeve that I had been carrying for 10 miles. I wanted to run and I had energy to spare, so I moved on. I said bye, thanked him for letting me borrow the bladder, and said I'd see him at the finish line.

I ran more than I hiked. I started passing people. Lots of people. I would leave each of them with "It's a wonderful day to be alive." I'm sure that my positivity shocked many of them and I hope that it helped them. The more I said it, the more it helped me. My legs felt great and so did my mind. I had an iPod with me for the entire race and I never got it out.

Hallucinations were creeping in for my entertainment. There was an black and white striped octopus - turned out to be a stick. There was a tarantula - nope, just a leaf. There was a shadow of a man - just my eyes tricking me. There was a guy covered in reflective tape dancing - just a runner ahead of me and the course marking reflectors blowing in the wind. There was a red cooler sitting on the side of the trail - no explanation for that one, just wishful thinking I guess.

Last Chance (57) to Lodge (62) Duration 1:08

-Sotol Cactus Tequila shot, instant mashed potatoes made with salty broth, water, 3 gingersnaps to-go, water

At Last Chance I asked them jokingly what they had for a sore calf (looking at the full selection of liquor in front of me). Without hesitation, a shot of Sotol Cactus tequila was poured for me. Very fitting after being scratched by Sotol all day.

This makes very tasty tequila.

This section of trail was mentally tough for me during the first loop, so I expected a challenge on the second loop. Maybe it was the tequila or maybe the cooler temperature or the imminent finish, but I swear there was only 1 hill this time. I made it up Cairns Climb and kept running. Boyle's bump never came. Where was it? I know the last mile is all downhill and I was running downhill. I could faintly hear cheers of the finish line. Or was my mind playing tricks on me? I had been running long enough that I should be close to the finish, but I KNEW there would be another hill!

The second hill disappeared. I'm convinced of it. I picked up the pace toward the finish. I was sprinting it in like I always do at the finish of races. I had way too much energy and my legs felt fresh, so why not. It was 9:57pm, I could finish by 10:00pm. I crossed the finish line at 14:30:00 (10pm on the nose) and slammed on the brakes to not hit the crowd of people gathered just past the line. Don't they know that people are trying to run here?

Joe the RD handed me a belt buckle. I looked around. I recognized no one. I felt nothing. The feelings of accomplishment and that had me in tears on the trail escaped me now at was supposed to be a joyous moment. 

I just wanted to keep running.